Dear God,

Please don't let me be writing some nonsensical, post-modern crap.

I have decided to write my essay on autonomy based on old journal entries. Events: opportunities: conversations with friends. If I know anything about the path to freedom and happiness, it is based in these real experiences and not on some kind of poem or novel or philosophical treatise. I've asked my mom to send my old diaries over. I feel a bit nauseous, but I think I've committed to it. If I get a green light from Yale Law, I will simply sit down and
write. I've never done that before.

I also discovered that the Twin opened his theater in Prague today. In rough translation it is called Theater Endures or Theater WillEndure (however you choose to conjugate it); his play, Gosha, is premiering on December 15. I would give almost anything to see it. I have already decided to send Csmn, who will be in Prague around that time, to go visit the place and have a coffee there. It'll be like in 84 Charring Cross Road, when Helen Hanff's friends visit the bookshop for her because she can't afford to go. Anyway, it is miraculous, I think. And it reminds me that I have to get down to what it is I'm trying to do.

I'm going to yoga in an hour and I'm looking forward to it. I've been really dramatic about things lately and forgetful of how much yoga helps me put things in perspective. More than anything, I've been very stressed about boys: being a good person to H., extricating myself from Cln, behaving sensibly towards Csmn, avoiding all thoughts of B. I can already sense that some deep breathing will help me realize that I don't need to lie awake at night stressing out about these things. H. was an accident. I'll be careful about Cln. I am so happy to have Csmn in my life again, but I'll keep my brain on when we talk. Perhaps I will send B. something that will help him ungrit his teeth. Or may I'll just leave him in peace. In two hours, I'll trust that all of these things can end well, without guilt and in happiness.

I have a crush on a guy who ignores me! Now that's promising.